FAQ

About Illuminaughty

Applying for Membership

Membership, Partner, and Account Questions

Preparing for an Event

At the Event

Miscellaneous

 

About Illuminaughty

How do I get an invite to come to a party?

Everyone must apply for membership and be approved before they can attend an event. There’s no cost for membership, but you must be approved before you can login and get tickets.

Click below to apply for membership — we’d love to learn more about you! If your application is approved, you’ll be added to our invite list to all upcoming events in your area. Providing your phone number on the application will make sure you get text notifications of the events and is the best way to stay up to date.

Apply for Membership

Is there a membership fee?

No, there’s no cost for membership, but you must apply and be approved to become a member before you can attend events.

Are most of your members pretty fit/athletic? We are in good shape, but we’re not models.

We pride ourselves on the caliber of our members, and while not everyone has an 8-pack, most of our members do have an attention to health and wellness in their lifestyle. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes, but what really stands out in the Illuminaughty community is kindness, self-awareness, and clear, confident communication. Come as your best self. Everyone is welcome to apply!

Are newbies accepted?

We love our newbies! In fact, about 1/3 of our guests at any given event are first-timers. We hear time after time how Illuminaughty has the most friendly and welcoming crowd around and we pride ourselves in maintaining that vibe. Whether you’re solo or partnered, you’ll be in good company—and our team and long-standing members are great at making introductions so you’ll soon feel right at home.

What age are most of your members? My wife and I are interested but we are 51 and 46, are we too old?

Illuminaughty is dedicated to cultivating an experience that is exciting and comfortable for our members. While most of our members are in their 30s, we have many members in their 20s and 40s as well. We don’t have a hard age cutoff and we’ve approved plenty of amazing people in their upper 40s (and even some early 50s!) who take great care of themselves and fit in with the vibe and energy of our community. If that sounds like you, we’d love to see your application!

I like to keep my life private, how private are your events?

Privacy and discretion are part of the foundation we build every event on. Safety is our top priority—and that includes protecting your identity, your story, and your boundaries. No unsolicited photos, no pressure, just your permission every step of the way.

Applying for Membership

What are you looking for on the application?

We want to learn about who you are and feel like you’re a good fit with our community. So, tell us about yourself and what makes you special and interesting. Why will you be a positive addition to our event? Be thoughtful and thorough.

Why do I have to submit photos to apply? Who will see my photos?

Photos help tell the story of who you are and what your vibe is like. They help us determine how you put your best self forward, and whether or not you’ll be a good fit with our members. They are also a safety measure to ensure we can identify everyone at our events should there be an issue or someone who is not a good fit for our community and needs to be removed. Application photos are private and only viewed by our staff during application review or if there is an issue at an event. Your profile photo is used to make sure it’s you arriving with your ticket.

I applied but didn’t hear back, was I accepted?

When you apply, you are immediately sent a confirmation email to let you know that we received your application. This also confirms that you entered your email address correctly and you are receiving our emails. If you don’t see a confirmation email, check your spam folder. If you still don’t see it, you may have incorrectly typed your email address and need to submit your application again with the correct information. We are unable to edit the email if you enter it incorrectly. Just submit the application again.

We try to review all applications within 3 days, but single man applications may take longer. We do not send rejection letters and do not answer emails about why someone was rejected. If you do not hear back from us, we apologize but your application was not approved. You are welcome to reapply with updated pictures and more thorough answers with a different email address.

One piece of advice — ChatGPT/AI answers and dick pics are generally an immediate rejection. We’re looking for self-aware, thoughtful members who pay attention and are willing to put in some effort.

Membership, Partner, and Account Questions

We bought a couple ticket and now my partner can’t come. Can I attend by myself?

Women or feminine expressing non-binary partners may attend without their partner, but men or masculine expressing partners may not. In order to maintain the comfortable and low-pressure vibe we want at our events, we are very cautious and intentional with the masculine energy and number of single men that attend. Because of this, solo men are not allowed to attend without a Single Man ticket. Solo men who show up with a couple ticket will be turned away by security.

I have a couple account with my partner, can I purchase a single ticket to attend solo?

Couple accounts are able to purchase couple tickets or single woman tickets to parties. In order to attend as a single man or non-binary, you must apply and be approved as such. These tickets are carefully limited to maintain a comfortable balance of energy at our events.

We’re a throuple, how do we apply and buy tickets?

We love throuples! To apply as a throuple, please submit a couple application for two of the partners and a single application for the third. Include a note in the bio section of both applications about your throuple status. Sorry for the hassle, but this is the easiest way with our system.

For tickets, you will need to purchase a ticket for each partner. Typically, a couple ticket and single ticket is the easiest and least expensive option.

I’m a member, can I bring a guest to a mixer or party?

Absolutely! We love when members introduce trusted friends to the community, and we have a referral program so you can earn free tickets for referring friends! Just make sure your guest is approved first. Everyone must apply and be approved to attend. Send them your referral link and have them mention you on their application so we know they’re a friend and you get your referral credit bonus when they buy their ticket. If you have a solo account and want to attend as a couple, simply submit a new application together for a couple’s membership so you have access to couple tickets.

I have multiple partners, how do I attend with different people?

There are a few ways to handle this depending on your specific dynamic:

1. If you have a couple of regular partners, the best way is to have a couple profile for each partner, then you can just buy a ticket with the appropriate profile and it’s easy. It’s totally normal to have more than one account, just use a different email when you apply for each.

2. If you are solo poly or often have new partners you want to attend with, apply as a couple with one of them. If you want to attend an event with a different one, make sure they have an approved single profile. Then you can buy a couple ticket with your profile and email us at membercare@weareilluminaughty.com to update your ticket to reflect the correct partner you are attending with.

I have a membership as a couple, but my partner and I separated. What should I do?

No problem, people’s relationship dynamics are always evolving. If your couple account is under your partner’s email and you have separated, just submit a new application with your email either as a single or with a new partner. If your couple account is under your email, you can contact us at membercare@weareilluminaughty.com to make changes to your account to reflect a new partner or status.

Preparing for an Event

What is the dress code at your events?

The dress code for each event is listed on the event page and there is a pinterest board to give you inspiration for your outfit. Some events are simple, sexy and classy, and others are specified with fun and exciting themes. Our community is vibrant and enthusiastic, and it’s one of the things we love the most about them. If you attend a themed event, you better be dressed to the theme because EVERYONE else will be. Casual events aren’t our thing, our community is filled with intention and we expect our members to put forth some effort and show up as their best and authentic self. Just make sure you are PG for the walk to/from the venue.

For men, the default for classy events is a suit or cocktail attire. For mixers, suits and dresses are not necessary, but we expect some effort to put your best foot forward.

What do people wear to a party? Should I bring a change of clothes?

We expect our members to dress to the theme of the event, and they don’t disappoint. Seeing all of the amazing, thoughtful outfits when you walk through the door is a striking scene that you won’t forget. Our sexy parties all start with a cocktail mixer during the arrival time. It’s common for guests to dress more modestly during this time while everyone is having a drink, connecting, and getting comfortable. Then we bring everyone together for a rules and consent talk, and afterwards the play begins. It’s common for many of the ladies in particular, to change into a second outfit or lingerie for the remainder of the event. You are welcome to bring a bag with some extra clothes or toys for yourself or to share.

What else should I bring?

Our parties are BYOB, so bring any alcohol you want for yourself or to share. We provide drinking water, sparkling water, mixers, snacks, cups, and champagne flutes for our guests.

It’s nice to bring a cozy change of clothes for the end of the night.

We provide towels, water-based wipes, condoms, water-based lube, and massage oil. You are welcome to bring anything that you know is something special that you like such as your own toys, special condoms or lube, games, etc.

Please do not bring valuables.

I have to work until 10:00pm, can I arrive late?

The short answer is no, you must arrive on time. Our events are curated in a specific way to provide a special experience, and part of that comes from everyone being together at the start.

Everyone must arrive during the arrival window, then we close the doors and give a brief orientation to bring everyone together and discuss rules and consent. It’s critical that everyone be present for this to build the trusted, safe container that Illuminaughty is known for and ensure everyone is on the same page before any play happens. If you arrive late without clearing it with us ahead of time, security will not let you in.

When will I get the address for the party?

To protect the privacy of our guests and our venues, the venue location is only provided to ticket holders on the day of the event (or a little earlier for destination events that involve travel). You will receive an email with a link where you can login to view the address. This will ensure that only current ticket holders can view the address. If you don’t get the email, you can also get to this link by logging in to your account and going to the My Tickets tab, then clicking on the Event/Address Information button:

At the Event

I see member photos on your Instagram, are photos allowed at the parties?

Photos and video are not allowed at our play parties once the cocktail mixer time has ended and the consent talk has begun. Before the consent talk, we allow our members to take their own private photos of their outfits or with friends as long as they have everyone’s consent. There are NEVER any crowd shots or photos without explicit consent, and photos and videos are forbidden after the consent talk. Anyone who is caught violating our photo policy will be removed immediately from the event and their membership cancelled. Any photos that you see in our marketing or on our Instagram page have been taken and shared with the explicit consent of everyone in the photo.

How many people will be at the party? Is it crowded?

We set the capacity of each party specific to the venue to maintain a comfortable and engaging atmosphere. Attendance ranges from 30 to 100+ members, depending on the venue and the party. To help you vibe-check before you buy, each event page includes a “Venue Vibe & Capacity” slider to give you an idea of what to expect.

Are the people in your photos real members? Do you hire models or performers to be at the events?

Generally speaking, no, we do not hire models or “professional entertainers” to be at our events. Our members and community are the focus of our events. Everyone at our events (and in any photos shared with their consent) is a member and bought a ticket (or has earned a ticket as one of our volunteers), and is there with the intention of connecting with other beautiful open-minded people.

We may at some time have an event with a special performance act, but this will be made clear, and any performer we hire will be an Illuminaughty member as well and share our community values.

Do you have security at your events?

We have our own security at every play party to ensure everyone has a ticket and is at least 21 years old. They are professional, friendly, and are there to support our team and be available for our guests if any question or issue should arise. While we don’t have many problems at events, we like to have an extra set of eyes making sure everyone is safe and keeping an eye on the venue.

Are there lockers or coat check?

There will always be a coat closet or coat racks and a designated area to store your bag if you’d like. We have security keeping an eye on belongings at every event and generally do not have issues with things going missing, but we always recommend leaving valuables at home.

Is there a dungeon or kink space at the party?

Every party will have a unique vibe and setup to keep the experience new and exciting. Illuminaughty’s focus is on safe, consensual connection and that has many forms for different people. Some venues will have some light bondage equipment or a kink space and sometimes people bring personal toys to play with, but kink is not the focus at our events. Exploring mild BDSM can be exciting and is allowed but we do not allow any advanced BDSM play at our events. This includes heavy impact play, breath play, fire play, blood play, etc.

I’m nervous, do I have to have sex?

Absolutely not. There is no expectation of any kind. We provide a safe, comfortable space to explore and choose your own adventure. There will be many amazing, friendly people creating their own fun experiences and you will have opportunities for lots of different things. You can watch, mingle and make friends, or just play with your partner if that’s what feels comfortable. Or if you feel like doing more, use your words to communicate your desires, follow our rules of consent, and the sky is the limit.

Do you require STI testing? How do I know if other people were tested?

One of Illuminaughty’s core values is the importance of clear communication and informed consent. Everyone has different safe sex practices and standards so we expect our members to get tested regularly, know their results, and be prepared to have a conversation about their results and their safe sex practices with prospective partners. We also talk about this during the opening consent talk at every event to ensure that everyone is on the same page and the expectations around communication are clear.

I’m a single woman and scared to go by myself, what should I do?

We understand it can feel very intimidating to attend a new event by yourself, but we strive to make Illuminaughty the best place to start. Because of our carefully curated and friendly crowd, and the safe, comfortable vibe we create, many women have told us they feel safer at our events than a normal bar. Communication and consent are the focus, and our team and our community are here to ensure new members feel welcome. Many of our events have ice breaker games to help you make new friends.

We encourage you dress for the theme and arrive early in the arrival window. This will give you a chance to meet our team, meet the volunteers at the event, and get settled and comfortable before there are a lot of people, which can be a more overwhelming environment to walk into. Remember that there are no expectations, just feel into the space and the energy and take the night at your own pace.

How many men compared to women will be there? If more single women buy tickets, will more single men be allowed to attend?

We always prioritize balance — and we always have more women than men at our events to ensure a low-pressure vibe. If more single women buy tickets, we’ll release more tickets for single men to keep the energy just right. Every guest list is curated to make sure the atmosphere feels comfortable, fun, and aligned with the experience we’re creating.

*If single man tickets are sold out, single men can join the waitlist to be notified if more single men tickets are added.

I’m a single man attending my first mixer/party…any tips?

Come curious and leave your expectations at home. Our community is friendly and welcoming and mixers are a great low-pressure place to make new friends. So the best advice is to bring your smile and just say hi—you might be exactly who someone’s been hoping to meet.

If you’re attending your first party, dress to impress or on theme, and arrive a little earlier in the arrival window so you can meet people as they arrive.

Miscellaneous

Do you ever host public meetups or gatherings?

Yes and no. We host Tease Cocktail Mixers at handpicked bars and lounges for our approved members. These social events are a great way to meet others and see what the vibe is like in a relaxed, comfortable setting. However, all attendees must be approved, vetted Illuminaughty members and the location of the mixer is only sent to ticket holders on the day of the event. Part of the magic of Illuminaughty is the intentional curation of the crowd — it’s what keeps the vibe elevated, comfortable, and unforgettable.

When will the next party be announced?

We typically post events at least 3-4 weeks in advance — and often even earlier. We are expanding to new cities across the country and our calendar is always evolving, so it’s worth checking back regularly.

What other cities are you coming to? Will you have an event near me anytime soon?

We are constantly growing and launching events in new areas! One big factor for bringing events to a new city is having people excited for us to be there and a venue for us to host our first event at. If you’re interested in helping bring Illuminaughty to your hometown, or just want to let us know that there’s a community there that would welcome us, please send us a quick message:

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What to Expect
Rules & Etiquette